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From Brandon Sanderson--#1 New York Times bestselling author of the Stormlight Archive and Mistborn series-comes an incredible tale of courage and fellowship and blah blah blah blah etc...
There, that ought to fool them.
If you're reading this, please understand right now that this book is not one of those loony fantasy novels. It just looks like one so those conniving Librarians won't find it and ban it. The truth is, everything you're about to read really happened to me, Alcatraz Smedry.
Well, it really happened to me and my grandpa, who found me when I was thirteen and showed me that my lifelong talent for breaking things was an actual Talent with a capital T. Everyone in the Smedry family (HOORAY!) has one. And we use them to fight the evil Librarians (BOO! HISS!) who are out to conquer everyone, everywhere (seriously, they really are a bunch of jerks).
OK, stop! Wait! I forgot some people. Let's try this again...
Everything you're about to read really happened to me, my grandpa, my Crystin Knight protector Bastille (she's thirteen too, but really grouchy for her age), a couple of my cousins, my mom and dad (who I'd never met before), and a lot of other characters I can't remember and don't have the room to write about now anyway...
Hold on...You've never heard of me? Alcatraz Smedry? The boy who saved the world? Seriously?!? Well, that's because the Librarians have already gotten to you!
If you want to learn the REAL story, all you have to do is buy this book (several copies, if you please) and read like the world depends on it...
Because it just might.
Praise for the Alcatraz series:
"Like Lemony Snicket and superhero comics rolled into one (and then revved up on steroids)."-Publishers Weekly (Starred Review)
"An excellent choice to read aloud to the whole family." -NPR
"Those who enjoy their fantasy with a healthy dose of slapstick humor will be delighted." -School Library Journal
"Genuinely funny...plenty here to enjoy." -Locus
"In this original, hysterical homage to fantasy literature, Sanderson's first novel for youth recalls the best in Artemis Fowl and A Series of Unfortunate Events." -VOYA
The truth is, everything you're about to read really happened to me, Alcatraz Smedry. Well, it really happened to me and my grandpa, who found me when I was thirteen and showed me that my lifelong talent for breaking things was an actual Talent with a capital T.
Alcatraz Smedry has successfully defeated the army of Evil Librarians and ...
So, there I was, tied to an altar made from outdated encyclopedias, about to get sacrificed to the dark powers by a cult of evil Librarians. As you might imagine, that sort of situation can be quite disturbing.